Thieving Swine!!!

And there you go. After 45 years of living on this planet, I have been robbed. Granted, not exactly a snatch and grab, nor a home burglary, more of an “I left my car door unlocked and some dick head went in and stole a few things” kind of robbed. The dirtbag, subhuman scumbag stole an iPod charger cable and a fully locked up corporate BlackBerry as well as a handful of DS games that my kids have accumulated over the years and had left in the car even after I had warned them against such for months. I left the car doors unlocked out of simple and pure forgetfulness. Carried two and a half armfuls of groceries and backpacks and such into the house and saw that I have left a single item, one of my boys water bottles, on the floor. I thought “aw, just go back and get it later” which I never got around to doing. So, some may say, its my fault, but to them I say a hearty go fuck yourself. Its not my fault that some people steal from others and in a perfect world they would have their hands chopped off and displayed in public followed immediately by a public shaming of their parents for raising thieves.


Can you tell I’m mad…? Contrary to a few people I spoke to who said “that must be terrifying” I am completely not understanding how anyone could be that way. It’s a long way from stealing a phone to stabbing you in your sleep. In fact, I really hope I come across the person in my house or rifling through my car. They wont leave unscathed.


Its not the cost really. Sure, twenty DS games clock in at almost $800 if you bought them all new, sure a new BlackBerry costs around $400 methinks and that cable for my iPod allowed me to listen to my music in my car while charging ye old pod and was an Xmas gift, therefore priceless. That all said, I’m more mad that we live nowhere near an urban setting. I am almost one hundred percent sure that it was a neighbors ne’re do well son who lives in a fricking trailer beside their house. They are an oddly very blue collar family who somehow decided to buy a very expensive home and turn it into a Fred Sanders style junkyard and sonny boy cant stand to live in the house so he is in the mobile home.. Don’t think he does anything so of course, me being a cynical bastard thinks he is the thief.


Now this is where I have a conundrum. I have no issues with people who plan huge bank heists or major scams that affect the corporate world. I don’t care. I am apathetic to the cries of hard times of the business world. I think they have had their time. I am sick and tired of the fact that due to the political will to push the economy ahead of the livelihood of the average people, big business gets bailouts, big business gets to play the “we don’t have to follow environmental laws because if we do we may have to go elsewhere” card. Big business gets special treatment. Therefore, if someone wishes to rob them silly, have fun. I’m watching in the sidelines. I don’t care. If the corporate world crashes and burns like at the end of one of my favorite movies “Fight Club” I will be joining with a few good friends and families and building a huge compound. However, if you steal from me, its personal, its war, especially if you are such a complete and utter waste of space as to steal kids toys.


So what to do. My wife thinks we should “set a trap”… I explain to her that its not like we can put bear traps in the yard baited with empty Wii game boxes. I am not about to sit up on the deck at night with a golf club, as tempting as it is, ready to bash in the skull of whoever shows up snooping around at night. I am not about to, even though I know how to, build man traps in the woods behind the house. I have instead done what most normal people do. I called the police, reported it, called around to used game shops and let them know what to look for, called all the neighbors to warn them including a few busy bodies who will make it a personal goal to set up a crime watch in the neighborhood. I am also crafting a very carefully worded “Just so you know..” letter to my neighbor who’s son is my prime suspect. He knows his boy is a waste of meat. Hopefully he takes it upon himself to question the meatbag’s current situation.