“Blunt force trauma”
This term is used in many a cop show and simply refers to bashing someone else with a non-pointy, non-edged item. Usually something harder than the human being hit is advised as opposed to things like pillows and kittens as they take forever to beat someone into submission with.
Tip: When in a situation whereby you are not 110% sure of your complete and utter safety, glance around to identify potential weapons in case someone tries to attack, beat, rape or otherwise harm you. Find two. Do it now wherever you read this.
Did you find something? Good.
Practical: If someone does attack you, they expect you to be surprised. Don’t be surprised. Mistrust everyone. Your mother could smoke crack, drink malt liquor, greet you at the door five minutes later and be making sausages out of you 30 minutes later. If attacked, leap for object identified when you entered room and begin counterattack immediately.
As you do so, chant in your head “I will not die today!” Or “not me you bastard” or “no sausage for you!!”. Whatever works.
When the threat is gone, call cops froma safe location.
You are a superstar! (Cue the Smashmouth music)
NO SAUSAGE FOR YOU!!!
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