Facebook, its hard to say this but we’ve had a good run and well, its over. We can stay friends however, well, “Facebook friends” if thats okay. I know you deserve an explanation after, what is it, seven years almost? So here are my reasons.
I am forty six. Almost forty seven. I have the mind of a twenty five year old. I cannot fathom living a life where you go to work, go home, make small talk, get to bed early and do it all over again happy that you have anonymously contributed to society as if it was something glorious to be revered. I cannot fathom being so boring as to accept that you need to be boring to be adult. Facebook, became the venue by which one could very quickly with a few clicks of a button or a touchscreen send witty things your friends, pictures, insight, share music videos, make observations and debate issues. The problem is, over time it has become the only venue and often it is one-sided. Do I really want to do standup in front of silent strangers? Do I want to DJay a room full of quiet people having secret conversations while a couple of friends clamber about the booth to chat? Do I really want to debate issues on friend’s walls with their friends and extended aquaintances, people I don’t even remotely know or know their connections to my real world? Do I really like saying what I am thinking then having to delete or edit after the fact so as to not offend people I am not even talking to? Do I really honestly wish to have to delete a friends comments not because I don’t enjoy the back and forth but because they will offend MY friends not even part of the conversation.
The answer is no. I don’t wish to waste any more time on this. However I won’t wish to keep my thoughts to myself all of the time. It’s what people do, what they SHOULD do. Discuss things. Debate. It’s part of being a normal human. I just don’t think given the permission and security settings available on FB make it the proper venue. What do I mean in simpler terms? When I say “I don’t give a rats ass about what happens in (insert name of country in turmoil) because it doesnt affect me” on facebook, I should be able to control who see’s it. I can’t. When I say “Shakira yumm..” then my mom shouldn’t be able to see that. Guess what. She can. Not that she cares, she probably agrees but it’s something I should be able to control.
A friend once said to me ” why do you care what other people do in their lives?”. This was in regard to my posting some snarky comment on some boring ass aspect of their or someone else’s lives. This rolls back to my initial desire to utilize FB for my own devices. I will say it here once and for all. If you treat live as a series of necessary jobs to do until you die and that entertainment, fun, excitement is something you only do, safely, carefully, on weekends, if you have time.. you are a boring person. I consider it to be MY job to tell you. Why? Because. I want you to change. I want you to be more fun, to listen to new music, to hear funny things and to be happier less BORING people. Why? No reason. I just know you will be better people for it. Your kids will be happier, your marriages will last longer and you will be less boring to be around. If you are my friend, its because I like you, and if I feel you need to upgrade its not because I have changed, its because you have. There is no reward in life for being boring. Facebook, you are full of boring and try as much as I can, I cannot change that.
Another reason I care about what people do in their lives is how it affects others. If you smoke, I want to be able to remind you that smoking is bad for you, that smoking causes YOU to be sick more that ME and costs the medical system more than I do. Same goes for a huge variety of other issues. If you don’t vaccinate your kids, which is a moronic choice by the way, your kids can then get sick, which makes you a horrible horrible parent. If your kids get sick (BAD PARENT) you open up the door for other people to get sick too. This makes you a bad citizen and a bad parent. Those people can therefore spread disease and so on and so on. Your idiotic choice affects others. Same goes for not making your kids read books, watching shows like Honey Boo Boo or racing Poker Run power boats. When you ignore the after affects of you actions, the rippling of your choices through the waters of life and time, you need to be told. Period. Facebook, you became the venue for this ranting yet its all, to quote Roy Batty in Bladerunner, “..Tears in the rain..”.
I am also sick of what Facebook has become. Given my above revelation, I am shocked people have yet to come to it as well. My notifications are full of pictures of people holding signs. Fricking Gods Damned Signs. I don’t care if its some harebrained plan to show kids “how far a picture can travel” on the internetz, a protest of some sort, a plea for money or to find a lost relative or some doorknob saying “if I get 1000000 likes my dad will move back into the trailerpark..”. I.. just.. don’t.. care.. And guess what, it is all BORING me to death. Facebook is BORING.
What am I to do? Well, I won’t go off FB completely. I tried that before and failed. It is like a drug, an electro-digital-social drug. I was voluntarily secluded from a lot of people who had been a part of my life for a long time and FB dragged me back into all that messy socialness. It’s hard to go back to being a complete hermit so I instead invite you to join me in downsizing your facebook presence. I will post pictures of things we do, I will occasionally update my status with information I wish to share with family and friends or when I wish to find something out (like right now, I need to know of a good plumber in my City who can install a vanity and a hot water tank because I am useless that way…) or when I have a book I want you to buy. I am done with debates. I am done with trying o convince people to stop being morons. I am done with using Facebook as anything more than a bulliten board. Lets phone each other instead. Lets email each other at least. Text me. Message me directly. Send me a damn letter. Screw Facebook and it’s monetized desire to make us but publicaly, visibly, transparently open to the world.
All future interesting drivel I spit out can be found at my website, http://seanwritesstuff.com
or on twitter: @bedamnedsean
And yes, I may link posts directly/automatically to my Facebook pages (personal and “professional”) and you can comment there if you like. It will be monitored however and censored accordingly so to quote Wil Wheaton, “Don’t be a dick..”
Goodbye Facebook. Lets be friends.
You can keep the turntable and the dishes but I get the cat.