Drumming my fingers, listening to Comedy Central, patiently awaiting traffic to move a little faster as I attempt to a) buy a new pair of low-cut Cons (failure) and b) get my haircut (success). I decide to make note, on, oh let’s say a nearby paper napkin, of things around me. In no particular order, enjoy:
- Lady driving in front of me in a crappy little car has a “I Solemnly Sear that I Am Up To No Good” sticker on her window. A Potter fan. She magically moves up the line toward the intersection where we both plan on turning left, then, just as the light turns orange (sorry, amber) she stops on a dime, nearly wearing my much less crappy car on her bumper. She is certainly NOT striving for accuracy in the window sticker accuracy department.
- Woman ahead of me in a vehicle emblazoned with all sort of pro-canine stickers and a large corporate dog walking business magnetic sign. The sign contains a lithe long haired woman in a pencil dress successfully walking eleven (11) leashed dogs at once in a park. Pulling up beside her I see that this is false advertising. She in no way is lithe, would look like an anaconda who are an Umpa Loompa in a pencil dress and by no means could walk that many dogs on a leashes at one time.
- Thought to myself that some people might think my lack of desire to interact with humans or be involved in community minded activities as signs I was a sociopath. I don’t care about what they think or how they feel. (This made me laugh alone, in traffic, in full view of people, as I drove.”
- Crazy person just walked by talking angrily too herself. She really looks like an ex girlfriend of mine. All my ex girlfriends are crazy so yeah, completely possible.
- Lady who cut my hair is a non-smiling, generally friendly but direct person. Never makes eye contact even for a fleeting moment. She is black, dresses like she should have a southern accent and be in the lead role in a Bayou-based coven of witches. I would never tell her this though because I am afraid it could be true.
- Guy beside me looks like one of those kinds of backwoodsy fellows who wears a bacon themed humorous t-shirt. As he moves forward in traffic I can see he has a humorous bacon themed sticker on his bumper. I win!