Observational Humour Day

Drumming my fingers, listening to Comedy Central, patiently awaiting traffic to move a little faster as I attempt to a) buy a new pair of low-cut Cons (failure) and b) get my haircut (success). I decide to make note, on, oh let’s say a nearby paper napkin, of things around me. In no particular order, enjoy:

  1. Lady driving in front of me in a crappy little car has a “I Solemnly Sear that I Am Up To No Good” sticker on her window. A Potter fan. She magically moves up the line toward the intersection where we both plan on turning left, then, just as the light turns orange (sorry, amber) she stops on a dime, nearly wearing my much less crappy car on her bumper. She is certainly NOT striving for accuracy in the window sticker accuracy department.
  2. Woman ahead of me in a vehicle emblazoned with all sort of pro-canine stickers and a large corporate dog walking business magnetic sign. The sign contains a lithe long haired woman in a pencil dress successfully walking eleven (11) leashed dogs at once in a park. Pulling up beside her I see that this is false advertising. She in no way is lithe, would look like an anaconda who are an Umpa Loompa in a pencil dress and by no means could walk that many dogs on a leashes at one time.
  3. Thought to myself that some people might think my lack of desire to interact with humans or be involved in community minded activities as signs I was a sociopath. I don’t care about what they think or how they feel. (This made me laugh alone, in traffic, in full view of people, as I drove.”
  4. Crazy person just walked by talking angrily too herself. She really looks like an ex girlfriend of mine. All my ex girlfriends are crazy so yeah, completely possible.
  5. Lady who cut my hair is a non-smiling, generally friendly but direct person. Never makes eye contact even for a fleeting moment. She is black, dresses like she should have a southern accent and be in the lead role in a Bayou-based coven of witches. I would never tell her this though because I am afraid it could be true.
  6. Guy beside me looks like one of those kinds of backwoodsy fellows who wears a bacon themed humorous t-shirt. As he moves forward in traffic I can see he has a humorous bacon themed sticker on his bumper. I win!

Happy Friday.

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