OMFG 2016 post the first

Okay.  I have a MS Surface.  SOMEONE send me the name of a good publishing app for this monster tablet of shame. Okay its not a monster in the sense of it being BIG AND SCARY. It’s small and irritating.  Maybe I should have held out for the 3 version but oh, not me, Mister Frugal. Mister Never buy New Versions until They’ve Been Tested and all the bugs worked out whatever I’m a cheap ducking btard at times…

I hate the browser posting interface.  It’s slow and choppy and the damn words show up AFTER I have typed them.  Some days it’s like I am downloading War and Peace on a 300 baud modem in 1984 but in reverse.

All that said. Here is my New Years Day post (well the first.  I am sure after all this coffee gets out of my system I’ll nap a bit then post something more meaningful). Duck you 2015.  I did NOT just type duck.  I typed F U C K and I cannot still after two years get this ducking computer to stop removing profanity and replacing it… Anyways.  F ick you 2015. No. F.. uck you 2015. You were boring and unproductive.

Okay maybe it was ME that was boring, easily distracted and unproductive. But still. Whatever. Fuck you (!!) 2015.  I did it.  Yes. Fist pump myself!

Wait, no, I did not just say that to mean I was going to celebrate through self pressuring. You get what I mean. Pressuring? I typed pressuring. Pressuring. omfg. PLEASURING.

I hate you bill gates…

I don’t do resolutions but I have GOALS for this calendar (the Christian or Gregorian calendar) year.

  • See a few select bands live (as in a live show, not see that they do not die.)
  • Finish my third book and get the thing published
  • Make more than $50 in book sales before Dec. 31
  • Convince my wife to go on another cruise or resort vacation in the next two years
  • Convince my wife of other things
  • Compete with a few coworkers in this Spartan Run thing that MUST BE EASY because I have seen fattish soccer mom types wearing the t-shirts.. granted they may have taken six hours to run the 5km event and taken multiple pumpkin spiced latte breaks to do so.
  • Get at least one person to laugh at a “pumpkin” joke

(Q: what is the favorite vegetable in Arkansas? A: Pump-kin)

  • And finally, do not  do anything remotely good for the community this year.  I am actively avoiding any and all charitable deeds.  This is partly due to apathy and partly due to my desire to go on another vacation soon.  When my wife sees me saving all of $50 a year in this way I am sure she will reward me.

Happy New Year


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