Discounted Book Sale!!!

My recent book, Karen Says No, a Montage,  a Cornucopia,  a veritable Pile of essays and assorted other Ramblings is now on sale at an even *cheaper* price than before. Go right to the source !
BUY THIS BOOK NOW! CLICK HERE NOW!!

enjoy.

Advertisements

Saturday Morning Rap

Okay it has rained all night

And I’d like it to stop

My cats are going crazy

As it’s flooding my crop

And by crop I mean my lawn

Which is brown as a Greek

No that isn’t racist

Had spanokopita this week

I think I want souvlaki

and some ouzo too

And maybe I’m just hungry

as its breakfast time ooh!

But there’s nothing good to eat

But cereal made from quinoa

A weird hippie  concoction

That tastes all zippadee doo dah

Rainy day movie

Yes! Song of the South!

But it’s racist, you can’t rent it

Without soap for your mouth…

Sorry. It’s 8:22 and all I’ve had is three coffee. .
good morning Vietnam!

Zzz

Tiffany the Individual  – A Childrens Story

cutecow

 There once was a cow named Tiffany.  She awoke one morning and stretched and yawned and ate some hay then walked out of the barn into the yard.  All the other cows had headed out to pasture, so she followed from a distance and began to wander.  At the end of the day as the sun was setting she wandered back to the barn happy with her life.

The other cows were waiting for her in a great half circle.  Bessy, the mother of all spoke.

“Tiffany, It is Monday.  On Mondays we graze along the fence line beside the road. It’s what we always do. You were off in the hills far away.  Why?

“It was such a nice day I wanted to have the cool breeze from the lake blow across my back as I fed.  It was nice. I’m an individual, I don’t have to do what you do.”

The cows muttered and murmured and all went to their stalls.

On Tuesday Tiffany awoke and stretched and yawned and ate some hay then walked out of the barn into the yard.  All the other cows had headed out to pasture, so she followed from a distance then, again, began to wander.  At the end of the day as the sun was setting she wandered back to the barn happy with her life.

The other cows were waiting for her in a great half circle.  Bessy, the mother of all spoke.

“Tiffany, It is Tuesday.  On Mondays we graze in the hills, just like you did yesterday. It’s what we always do. You were off at the edge of the forest.  Why?

“It was such a hot day I wanted to be in the shade as much as I could all day as I fed.  It was nice. I’m an individual, I don’t have to do what you do.”

The cows muttered and murmured and all went to their stalls.

On Wednesday, the cows all grazed beside the pond, while Tiffany watched cars as she fed along the fence beside the road.

On Thursday they grazed on sweet clover beside the edge of the forest, while Tiffany stayed close to the barn, eating as she watched dragonflies catch insects all day.

On Friday, they stayed in the barn and under cover of the trees as it was raining non-stop, while she wandered aimlessly watching water flow in the creeks and ditches toward the lake.

On Saturday, the herd stood alongside the side road fence line to the delight of city people who would atop, take photos and feed them the grass they couldn’t reach through the fence.  Tiffany stayed in her stall all day, munching on hay and feed as she just didn’t feel like dealing with humans.

On each day the cows waited for her and Bessy, Mother of all, quizzed her and she gave her answers along with her statement of individuality to which they all muttered, murmured and sighed.

On Sunday, Tiffany stretched and yawned and ate some hay then walked out of the barn into the yard.  All the other cows had stayed quiet in their stalls so she began to wander.  At the end of the day as the sun was setting she wandered back to the barn happy with her life.

The farmer led her to a special stall.  It was in a special barn that had always been locked.  He patted her head, rubbed her neck, fed her special feed.  She was happy.  She was an individual.

The farmer quietly called the stock merchant who arrived a while later and silently ended her life, hauling her away to be slaughtered for the Farmer’s family for the coming winter.

Bessy could hear him as he spoke to his son after all was said and done. “She bin actin odd.  Perfectly safe fer eatin but ye can’t have an odd cow. It ain’t natural.”

 

 

Everyone is different.  Everyone has their own set of likes and dislikes.  Being different for the sake of being different however just doesn’t always work if you are part of a herd. You end up consumed.

What Is There More To Know About Christmas? – A Yuletide Song

ElfIMDB

What is there more to know about Christmas
It happens in the winter when its cold
A pagan holiday
Modified in such a way
To draw the heathens deep into the fold

Happy Holidays!

What is there more to know about Christmas
Smile and nod, ignore all the others fails
You gather with your kin
Shovel the turkey in
While grandpa spouts some mostly racist tales

Merry Xmas!

What is there more to know about Christmas
Lists for Santa in the mail are “sent”
Stockings hung with care
For soon he will be there
So we all can unwrap disappointment

Um, Yeah, you too…!

But really, what’s to know about Christmas
Shows on TV, music in the shops
Even if you’re not a Christian
By rules of social convention
You must be be nice to all, yes even cops

Look I’m not really all that up on all the commercialization of an invented holiday…

So what is there left to know about Christmas
Whip out your credit cards and warm the car
It’s time you’re not at work
So unless you are a jerk
It doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t leave a scar

Merry whatever people!

End Iceberg Violence

titanic-sinking

WARNING: SATIRICAL CONTENT

NOTE: Of course what happened on Friday in Paris is bad. Terrible. Terribly bad. Nobody who is an innocent who is unconnected to any conflict anywhere should be harmed during war. Just saying before I get painted as a heartless troglodyte.

Further Note (for right wingers): A troglodyte (you could just google it you know) is a fictional creature from an old science fiction book.

Further further Note (for right wingers): Science fiction is a genre of non-true books written for entertainment with a fanciful though science based theme.

Further^3 Note (for right wingers): Science is that stuff you think is made up but is actually real.

What Would Happen if the Titanic Sunk Today?

  1. Everyone who isn’t an Iceberg Supporter of all colours and stripes and political background would immediately post their statements of heart felt sadness and support for the victims of this terrible Iceberg Violence.
  2. People would modify their facebook profile pictures to have semi-transparent images of watery scenes and passenger ships if not an empty lightboat overlaying their sad faces.  The more artistic would change their background picture.  Icebergs would not notice this happening.  Victims of the Iceberg Violence who survived and their families and friends might possibly hear that this is occurring but it really wouldn’t affect them.  People who change their pictures wouldl be content in the knowledge that they were able to “do something” with a modicum of effort and expense, sleep better and feel involved/part of a manufactured community.
  3. Right wingers would LOUDLY TELL EVERYONE that this was the beginning of the end that icebergs were going to infiltrate all of our waters and impose Iceberg Law upon us.
  4. Normal people would tell everyone who would listen in a normal tone of voice that only a relatively few icebergs are a threat to us and if we are smart and plan well we can avoid Iceberg Violence.
  5. Left wingers will promote equally crazy ideas generally revolving around eating more organic foods, destroying passenger ships and finding a way to blame the oil industry for Iceberg Violence (WE CREATED ICEBERGS!!!)
  6. Historians will show that icebergs have always been a minor threat and need to be dealt with differently than we would deal with normal threats to our societal calm. Right wingers will call them traitors.
  7. Right wingers will begin to refer to ice in drinks as a form of collusion and rename frozen water Terror-Water
  8. The families and friends and national governments of people affected by iceberg violence will begin a program of attacking ice wherever found because frankly if you get rid of it all no more ice will form and be a threat.